mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
