Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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