ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
