Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
