My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
