Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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