Whod you bang
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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