im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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