I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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