so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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