A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
