my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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