I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
