He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
40s are totally the cure
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
