Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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