When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
