I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
