I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
