just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
