My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
