Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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