Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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