Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
