you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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