Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
