It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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