i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't deserve a penis
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
