Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
