We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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