Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize