just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
