You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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