If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
