a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
