I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
