why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
