You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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