i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
