just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
