just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
