Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
