I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
