I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
