If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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