Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
