she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
