I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
