You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
we should paint friendship bongs
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