absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
honey bunches of taint.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
