I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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