Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
