You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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