Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
