Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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