He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
