sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
