I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
