What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
