i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it hurts more in the daytime
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
