I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
