a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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