I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
