it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
