so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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