no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
