You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
