Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
