also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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